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January 19th, 2008

12:54 am - Long time.... Today was an excellent day, and I dunno, maybe i should start up my journal again. Today I went exploring the old buildings of campus with V, Gerry, Steve and David. It was AWESOME and SO much fun. Although now I'm exhausted, and we didn't even get to everything we wanted to! But that's ok, there will be another day. I should (knock on wood) graduate in may! But I'll still be in EL because I'm getting my masters, but I am looking forward to my new apartment for next year! Ate dinner and chilled with Jen last night, love her. Ashley graduated last spring and now that Mark has graduated isn't around much, which is weird. Life has ups and downs, defiantly a roller coaster, but I'm holding on tight. Love the elem school I'm in right now and the kids are awesome too! It's like a little United Nations, very cool. The kids are defiantly rays of sunshine in my world. Extra long weekend this weekend, yay for MLK! He was awesome. I've made a lot of progress on my family tree/genealogy work. Over winter break we went to Florida and visited my Aunt and Uncle. They had 10 reels of 8mm film and we watched it. I got to see my Grandpa Austin (who I was never lucky enough to meet) and my Grandmother Cromer together. I also saw my Great Grandfather Norman and my Great Grandmother Maude. I wish I could hear their voices too, but the video was still excellent. I miss them so much, even the ones I didn't get to meet. I love them with all my heart. Various cousins have been very helpful in my research providing amazing pictures, documents, stories and more. I hope that I continue to learn more about them and their lives, and if they are out there somewhere they know how much I love them. So my song tonight explains how I've been feeling for quite sometime now, even though I fight it, it seems to be futile. Who knows what will be... [Verse 1] Hello world Hope you're listening Forgive me if I’m young For speaking out of turn There’s someone I’ve been missing I think that they could be The better half of me They’re in their own place trying to make it right But I’m tired of justifying So i say you’ll.. [Chorus] Come home Come home Cause I’ve been waiting for you For so long For so long And right now there's a war between the vanities But all i see is you and me The fight for you is all I’ve ever known So come home Oooh [Verse 2] I get lost in the beauty Of everything i see The world ain’t as half as bad As they paint it to be If all the sons If all the daughters Stopped to take it in Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin It might start now..Yeahh Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud Until then [Chorus] Come home Come home Cause I’ve been waiting for you For so long For so long And right now there's a war between the vanities But all i see is you and me The fight for you is all I’ve ever known Ever known So come home Oooh [Interlude] Everything i can’t be Is everything you should be And that’s why i need you here Everything i can’t be Is everything you should be And that’s why i need you here So hear this now [Chorus] Come home Come home Cause I’ve been waiting for you For so long For so long And right now there's a war between the vanities But all i see is you and me The fight for you is all I’ve ever known Ever known So come home Come home Current Mood: content Current Music: Come Home-One Republic

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May 21st, 2007

02:00 am - There’s still a little bit of your song in my ear... Ashley moves to indy tomorrow. i will miss her. becca leaves for germany soon, i will miss her too....i dont like missing people. i miss too many as it is. *sigh* went to damian rice concert with greg it was awesome. kristen is awesome for understanding my craziness made corey strawberry bunt birthday cake, it fell apart cause it was still warm, i was upset. but it got eaten in like 20min so that made it ok. finished a song the other night during a blackout. i'll try to record it soonish. greg helped me set up a myspace music thing, i am happy about it. clips: http://youtube.com/watch?v=dpYceCrIt-U http://youtube.com/watch?v=d4cldTuXg0A i've had some really good dreams latley, and i think have been seeing signs about a certain thing, i hope its a good thing, i hope its what i think its for, because i need it. greys ending was unacceptable, 'we needed that happy ending', i dunno if i will keep watching. my roomie made this up: rebecca - really edgy but exceptionally crazy competative amateur and becca - bakes everything cakes, cookies, appetizers it made me laugh, we were thinking of things like lol=laugh out loud, and making up new ones....at 2 am, i know, weird odd but i like it. i'm thinkin about making a thing for uploading my sketch book pics for ppl to see, but only ppl i know, so maybe thru facebook. i got a henna tattoo at the art fair, and a bonsai tree, box wood, since i already have a juniper. and i got a lot of cards from the various artists. got to do work for my online classes, keep my chin up and continue holding onto hope... ....All I can do is keep breathing quotes: the longer that i'm out here, the better you sound you're scrunching up your face in this picture i found and i'm chasing after you, steadily losing ground i don't wanna forget, so i'm writing it down-special thanks to kristen -Great is the guilt of an unnecessary war. -when you can't run anymore, you crawl, when you can't do that anymore, have someone carry you-special thanks to ashley -normal is just a setting on a dryer -"The best gift you can give is a hug, one- size fits all and nobody ever minds if you return it.” -Unknown -""Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable." -Wizard of Oz "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy" -"Everyone sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are." ~Machiavelli Current Mood: down Current Music: Keep Breathing-Ingrid Michaelson

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April 13th, 2007

01:25 am - I've been fucked off and been fooled, been robbed and ridiculed.... I remember you said you never wanted 'to be so cold that you wouldnt offer your hand to hold', well I need your hand, your friendship, now more than ever. losing faith in friends and family... nice to find out that everyone talks about how hopeless and lame i am, love you all too. and big thanks on actually trying to make me feel better...no wait, you didnt. not even a try. ...i miss my kitty and pups...but my kitty more right this instant ....I've sure enjoyed the rain, but I'm looking foward to the sun, even if I cant see any sign of it. Current Mood: upset Current Music: Fools Gold

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April 2nd, 2007

01:21 am All I want to do is sleep because it doesn't hurt when I can't think of you. Current Mood: depressed

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March 28th, 2007

10:47 pm - To be Remebered So for the most part i lost contact with everyone i went to elem school with, best friends, aquantinces all, unless of course they came to my new school. i've had run ins with a few people over the years. but it got fewer as i got older. senior year in hs i ran into someone i had been really good friends with, but all he remebered about me was a song that i liked and played a lot, and he was kinda a dick to me, which made me sad. well thanks to facebook it is easier to find people. of course ravi and i jus happened to meet thru friends, but we wernt friends when we were younger, i just remebered him. so anyways i found my friend ryan the other day, and sent him a message, and was happy to see he remebered me. later he imed me and we talked for hours, he remebered so much! some things that i hadnt even, and it was so much fun. i mean after over 10 years we still clicked and everything. which healed some old wounds in my heart, which was nice. and hopefully we can meet up and catch up sometime. no elem school for 2 weeks, they have spring break. so fridays will be lazy again. sometimes i get frustrated with ppl that complain about things. i mean i understand complaints but sometimes its so little it makes me mad, especially when everything else is going so well for them. i mean i know some ppl prolly think i shouldnt complain, and i understand that i am very lucky in what i have, but i never complain about anything related to that, cause i know that i am lucky for that. the thing ive always complaied about and always longed for is someone. as the beatles said 'I dont care too much for money cause money cant buy me love'. and i had to get that off my chest. hopefully ryan and i both will get lucky with the objects of our affections and live happily ever after. hah or close as possible. on a random note, i think zach braff and i would hit it off and be awesome together, even if he is like 10 years older than me. i need to find a J.D. -"People may not remember exactly what you did or what u said, but they will always remember how you made them feel." Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: Whistles the Wind-Flogging Molly

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March 26th, 2007

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March 17th, 2007

11:57 pm - GO GREEN!!! i actually got up to be at the bar by 630, but ash and mark wernt up yet. the lines were CRAZY so we went to renos which was fun and warm-yay! last night we went to the dublin square (new) and it's my new favorite bar, i felt like i was in ireland, i loved it!! and they played rocked up versions of old irish songs yay sing alongs! i guess the drummer winked at me, but i didnt catch that, tragic. watched boondock saints today for the 1st time, it was good, minus mark saying every line right b4 it came up, and wouldnt shut up til i kicked him. see ppl make me be violent cause they wont respond to a simple 'be quiet', stop it or shut up...alas "God made the Italians for their beauty. The French for fine food. The Swedes for intelligence. The Jews for religion. And on and on until he looked at what he had created and said,This is all very fine but no one is having fun. I guess I'll have to make me an Irishman." Happy St. Patties Day! Tyrone County "An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth."-Old Irish Proverb March Madness, we got further than we thought, and we played so hard tonight i'm still proud of our spartans. love them, and there's always next year :) maybe i will have finger nails again by then hah. Current Mood: okay Current Music: Dublin In the Rare Old Times-Blackthorn

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March 16th, 2007

12:03 am - March Madness Happiness state won!!! duke lost and so did texas tech (in ur face bobby knight!!) all is well in the world of sports. ...now if only everything else in my life would get that good Current Mood: optimistic

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March 13th, 2007

12:59 am - right on for so many "We're friends. Real friends. And that means no matter how long it takes, when you finally decide to look back. I'll still be here." and on a side note, i love scrubs Current Mood: mellow Current Music: Joshua Radin

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March 12th, 2007

02:36 pm - I get lost in the sounds of my mind did spring break in south carolina with Ashley at our condo, it was fun. and say trip to savannah was fantastic, got some st patties day stuff. i was very dissapointed that i couldnt go into the underground tunnels under the pirate house tho, bummer. and our gohst tour SUCKED, last years was so much better, i wanted to beat 'lord troy' he was awful. on the beach we saw sea gulls with happy feet tho, and that was super cute i cant belive ashley, and a lot of other ppl i adore, are graduating in like 2 months! so i have discovered Joshua Radin, love his music. the song 'The Fear You Wont Fall' is what music would sound like if my heart wrote/sang it. Mark didnt get back till after 1am, so i stayed up and kept Ashley company til her got there. they are so cute, i hope everything wonderful works out for them together. Over break Ashley and i were able to get V to crack on the Gerry thing, aw they are cute together too, i am happy for them, especially her. having dinner tonight with them, Steve and Ashley. my blinds acttacked me yesterday, falling down and hitting me, awesome, i hate them. i also hate when i wake up freezing cause my heater stoped making heat and is just pumping out cold air. St. Patties day is this weekend, which is exciting-Ashley and i got stuff to deck our selves out in. i dunno if i am going to be able to drag myself out to be at the bar at 6am, but who knows. Brandon doesnt respond to me at all anymore, which makes me sad. i miss him and how he made me laugh. I hope that he'll stop being like that and we can hang out and be friends again. along those lines i havent talked to scott in forever, i understand him being busy and such, and his new gf, which im so happy for him for and all, but i miss my friend and our hilarious air hockey games and other stupid stuff. seeing the 300 movie tues, i am excited, it looks amazing i feel all over the place, i can be so down and sad but fortunatly i have people like Ashley who can cheer me up. i try to focus on good things, but sad and bad things are waiting in the shadows of my mind and creep out often. my dreams latley have been awful. im used to nightmares but ones like where my grandmother yelled at me the other night, i dont like at all. i used to like sleep cause i could escape sad things in life, but now they have followed me into my dreams, but the hope of one really good dream lulls me to sleep. my room is freezing, colder than it is outside, that doesnt make sense. i have bit my nails to nothing, kinda hurts, but i am becoming numb to it i watch previews for movies a lot--there are some really good ones coming out, yay for apple.com/trailers check it out. hopefully the sun will come out and things will warm up, not just in the weather but in my life. The people that really care about you don't mind if you make mistakes. It's what you do after that counts. Music is the only thing that makes sense anymore. Play it loud enough and it will keep the demons away. I'm talking to you But you're not listening I don't know what to do My heart is blistering Writing this song Tell me I belong I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel, this way. And I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could, can't get my mind off of you... Current Mood: cold Current Music: Joshua Radin-The Fear You Won't Fall

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February 7th, 2007

12:16 am - Drowning car is dead again i dont understand how people can cut others out of thier life. i find it hard/impossible to do that. maybe cause i know how badly it hurts the person that gets cut. i've been cut out by a lot of ppl lately it seems. even from someone who i thought was one of my closest friends that i could always depend on. and i was thinking. i remeber when i told him how i never thought i could be with him. and he laughed, he thought it was funny, that i thought he was out of my league. but see, apparently i was right. because he didnt pick me, he didnt choose to be with me, even tho i was a 8 or watever. and i just dont understand, why am i never the one that gets picked? i wish more than anything he'd prove me wrong, even if its been quite some time. but everyone in life hurts you, so you figure out who is worth the pain, and he was, he is. i dont have to have someone on vday, i can wait till after. and i cant believe how much i miss him, i hate the way i miss him...and i'm drowning. i was drowning when i met him, and he was like a breath of fresh air, he saved me. he made me laugh and we talked--just as a friend. but then he kept talkin to me, and stayed in touch, and called and i didnt mean to fall, he pushed me, and now i'm drowning again Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Stolen--Dashboard

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January 20th, 2007

08:41 pm - Holding my heart out but clutching it too... 'Would someone please call a surgeon to come crack my ribs and repair this broken heart that sure deserving of better company' have some quizes this week, i need to study for them. went out with ashley thurs and fri night with packaging ppl, it was pretty fun. but as JD from scrubs said once 'nothing sucks worse than feeling alone, no matter how many people are around'. and i mean i have fun i guess but i still am sad inside, im just covering that up. i hate missing someone who is so close, its one thing to miss someone who has died or moved far away, but when they are right there, and not knowing, makes it even more painful. i sleep a lot...like a rediculous amount. i know its cause i'm down. i miss seeing/hanging out with him, i miss my 2nd grade class and other stuff anyway. i'm hoping for a change to happen soon. as mer said 'I just need something to happen, I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope! And in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed a feel like I'm going to die today.' i wish there was a certain phrase/sentance or thing i could do that would magically help me or somthing, but i have yet to find one. i just keep hoping and praying things get better, i'm tired of feeling this way, i hate how i let ppl have this type of influence on me, but alas, i really cant help it. i just try to tell myself each day i get up and out of bed i am one day closer to being raelly happy again, and i seriously hope i am right. What would I give to be where you are What would I pay to lay near beside you What would I do to see you smiling at me... Current Mood: depressed

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January 9th, 2007

12:32 am - First day back... so i jus heard about how a friend from 2nd grade was driving drunk flipped his car killed his best friend and now he's in prison wow, same guy that in 2nd grade got caught with 2 of my other friends smoking cigs in the bathroom...i remeber being mad at them, and making them promise never to do it again. and in the time since i've thought of them often, heard various things about them, but lost track of them. sometimes i wonder how differnt life would be if i had not changed schools. but what ifs can drive u crazy, so i try to avoid them wow life watched a lot of greys with ash, love her, shes 'my person' and without any warning i began to sob when burke climbed into bed with christina and held her. Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?-greys Current Mood: holding my breathe Current Music: So She Dances-Josh Groban

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January 5th, 2007

11:06 pm - First Few days of 2007 New years in EL was a lot of fun. i went out with ashley, corey, katie, jordan and his gf and larry. we went to the landshark, i had never been there before, but it was fun. julie from te401 was there, which was a fun surprise. lots of dancing and fun, although ash, katie and i could barely walk on the way out. slept with ashley that night and came back home. saw di and watched little miss sunshine with her, sadly she got sick in the middle of it. but i got some cat therapy with evenrude. she made me a blanket and i LOVE it, shes awesome. but then again so is the entire family. becca stopped by before heading back to BG with part of my xmas gift, as i gave her part of hers. i gave her the awesome ornament she liked and she gave me a gift she got while she was in new orleans helping rebuild the music district. it's a voodoo doll-hahaha it is quite colorful. it has a white pin for good and luck for ppl u like and an black pin to bring bad luck, sickness (evil) or watever to ppl that u dont like haha. so i stuck the good pin in and thought about becca, hopefully it will bring her good luck. went to GP to see steve and gerry, we had an awesome day. first we met at steves house. met his dog daisy and saw his house. then we went to the edsel ford house which was AWESOME. they were american royalty, course my dad says thats because there were no taxes back then-watever. anyways gerry and i kept spotting all the hidden/secret doors. fun xmas story, fords would invite hollywood over on xmas to show a big movie b4 it was released to the public in thier huge family room on a huge screen-how cool is that? like gone with the wind, king kong and so on. what i liked best was that they were good people, donating so much to the public, including thier house. i guess everyone who was anyone visited the house-sport stars, movie stars, singers, presidents and so on. the house was so full of history it was amazing, and the quality that everything was made-wow. i wish america still made things as well as they did then. the garage had 2 cars, with white walls, which i love, it was awesome-i mean come on, i love classic cars. first we stopped by a 7 eleven, which v and i were impressed gp allowed since they dont allow movie theaters, bowling or any other type of fun. then we went to coney island to eat, steve made me try this sandwhich which i must admit was really good! yay. then we went to the bowling alley. i gave brando a ring but he was unable to join us-tragic. anyway i started off horrible, typical. but i was able to break 100 by the 3rd game! hurray! haha. veronica of course rocked as usual. and gerry was throwin the ball so it would curve which was cool, when it worked. after that we started back home, my magellan is fantastic! so helpful, love it. sadly my studio time got cancelled because they had to do somthin for another client, but thats ok i'm gonna come back at a later time and hopefully finish up. so i had a huge scare today--i looked at my classes and there wernt any-of course i imeediatly freaked out and then called my advisor. to make a long story short although we had PAID and they HAD the money we hadnt confirmed it (what a bunch of bullshit) anyways fortunatly i was able to scramble and get my classes back with a slight change in my scheduale. but hurray no friday classes this semester!! so i've been watching scrubs more, and i just love that show, i mean it makes me smile/happy. i love the character J.D. anyway here are some quotes, many from scrubs, then back to laundry and packing up so i can head back up to school tommarrow. quotes: Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14 It's the kid inside of us that keeps us all from going crazy.-J.D. from Scrubs But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too.-J.D. from scrubs Maybe because the truth would make them feel too vulnerable-scrubs A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you’ve forgotten the words. I'm holding every breath for you Dont make me turn purple, when I'm already blue. Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.-calvin and hobbes "I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." -Christopher Reeve He stands there, then walks away My God, if I could only say I'm holding every breath for you He'd never tell you, but he can play guitar I think he can see through everything but my heart First thought when I wake up is My God, he's beautiful So I put on my make-up and pray for a miracle-Taylor Swift that chill down your spine is regret breathing down your neck i envy you, your ignorance i hear that it's bliss. -ani difranco Because nothing sucks worse than feeling alone, no matter how many people are around.-J.D. from scrubs Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys is while I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are.-J.D. from scrubs Current Mood: anxious Current Music: Hey Girl-The Mammas and the Papas

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December 29th, 2006

11:33 pm - The last bit of 2007 So the other night becca and i went out and it was super fun. i have missed her very very much. we went to see night at the museum, it was hilarious, i liked it a lot. i love the old actors, especially dick van dyke. anyways came back to the house (she drove since my car was in the shop because there was hole in the radiator and the transmission was screwed up, and actually had to be replaced, costing so much) anyways i played some guitar for her and showed her somthin to help her play. we talked a lot and v, caroline and amber were in the basement singing opera and said hi on thier way out. was in the studio from 10am-630pm on thursday. my fingers kill from playing so much guitar, and being in florida didnt help, cause my fingers wernt as tough after. anyways i worked with a really nice guy, and he was picky like me, which i appreciated. we got all the guitar tracks down and 2 vocals. i am going back again next week to hopefully finish up. that night ashley came up! which was really exciting. we met up with her on woodward and long lake at a gas station. helped her get to my house, since its hard to find. then we went to the mall. we went to a few stores and ate at cpk, thier pizza is SO good. mmmmmmm. then we went to the movies, which was kinda weird. movie was at 10, we wernt let in till like 9:58, which was weird-but not as weird as the dude that kept bothering ashley for twizzlers and stuff. anyways the movie was great-laughing is wonderful. ashley is very excited for the transformer movie coming out, and we are both very excited for the ninja turtle movie. we're gonna have a tv/movie marathon before the movie, it comes out in march (27th). anyways after the movie we came back here and chilled and opened gifts. of course most of hers havent gotten here yet (annoying) but she got me some bubble bath, the SOFTEST socks EVER and this really cute shirt and some silver hoops hehe. went to bed at like 4am hah. she left at 1 today to go home and then she went to the hockey game where we beat harvard, awesome. so the transmission on my car was replaced, and my dad wanted to look at ford hybrids, so i went. but i really still like my car, and i think i am going to wait another year before trading it in. too bad the bitch that keyed my car in the apt parking lot really devalued my car. i mean its from one end to the other. if i ever figure out who did that, i am going to slap them. tomorrow morn i plan on going to the mall to pick up some shoes for my new years outfit, i saw a pair i really liked, wow that is the girliest thing ever. goin to the zoo tomorrow with gerry, steve, v and amber. and then to gp to the ford museum. but i have to get back home cause i have plans with paul for dinner at 7. then up to state for new years, which im excited for-and hope that it will be really fun. with ashley of course it will be. then hopefully next week i will see lots of various ppl b4 goin back to school. putting my scheduale together now is really giving me a headache/stressing me out. i need to work more on that ugh. hopefully my luck will turn around in 07 and i will get lucky in all areas of life, here's hoping. oh i almost forgot, at the dane cook site he has a remix thing, it is HILARIOUS omgosh. i wish i could download it--hopefully i can sometime soon Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14 He stands there, then walks away My God, if I could only say I'm holding every breath for you I think he can see through everything but my heart First thought when I wake up is My God, he's beautiful So I put on my make-up and pray for a miracle-Taylor Swift A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you’ve forgotten the words. I'm holding every breath for you Dont make me turn purple, when I'm already blue. If you want to know where you heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders Current Mood: full Current Music: You are Loved(Dont give up)-Josh Groban

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December 25th, 2006

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December 23rd, 2006

10:35 pm - Where are you Christmas? Why can't I find you? well that whole in trouble for acedemic dishonesty was watever--i mean i got a 0.0 in the class but at least i did well in my other classes hurray for that. anyways we were in florida for a few days and that was really nice to relax and all, the sun felt great and i love playin in the tide pools and catching various things and of course letting them go again. anyways got a bit of sun. we jus finished decorating the tree, mom noticed her diamond was missing :( she lost it and we had no luck finding it anywhere--here, at the tree place, cars or anywhere. so moms really sad about that. anyways really missed my guitar in florida so i played a lot today. now veronica put in the sound of music so we are watching that. we need to bake/cook more and wrap gifts i suppose....i am mailing gifts out to friends this year, cause i mean mail is fun but packages are even MORE fun, hopefully people will like them...anyways, missing people like woa here. hopefully i will see various people throughout break. And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more? I wont ask for much this christmas I wont even wish for snow I just wanna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe I won't even stay awake to hear those magic reindeer click cuz i just want you here tonight holding on to me so tight what more can I do baby all I want for christmas....is you ...I'm holding every breath for you Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: puppet show song from sound of music

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November 29th, 2006

01:19 am I just need something to happen, I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope! And in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed a feel like I'm going to die today.-greys and thats exactly how i feel.... Current Mood: nauseated and sad

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November 26th, 2006

11:39 pm - Last Bit of Turkey Break So last week i worked my ass off over the weekend to get work done so i could go out for ashleys 21st bday. and i did! monday we started waiting in line for the riv but that didnt work out really well so we went to pts which was of course so much fun. ran into gorauv his bday had been friday so i bought him a drink. we all had a lot of fun, it was me ashley, scott e, jeremy, chris, corey, and some other ppl too. took lotsa pics and a video, which of course is funny. jeremy attacked me with chalk, looked like zorro had stuck using chalk on my jeans. i drove, and ashley got pretty fucked up. fortunatly at the end of the night chris and i took care of her, after dopping other ppl off at thier homes. oh v and i made ashley a cake and it was BEYOND delicious, many ppl loved it hurray! tuesday we went to ricks and basically opened it and then the riv. once again a whole lotta fun, but it almost always is with them. pics and videos were taken. we went to get some food after where jeremy and scott threw chips at me, which i found later in my bra back at ashleys. but i got scott by crushing one in his shirt and i guess somehow it ended in his ass region, but watever haha. her friend from hs jay cause a whole lot of fuckin drama at the end of the night which was pretty awful to do on her birthday in my opinion, i wanted to punch him in the face. he squeeled out of the apt parking lot in his lame ass car, and then kept calling her only to yell, lots of bullshit. poor ashley, hopefully other than that her birthday was hopefully good. i slept over at ashleys that night,which was fun, havent had a sleepover like that since i was little, but never with such a good friend. anyways got outa bed around ooooh 1230ish which is pretty good considering how late we were out. thanksgiving was delicious, one of the best i can remember, the turkey was amazing, noodles great, potatos, and of course the pumpkin pie! made 2 last night to bring back to school, this time i didnt fuck up the crust like i did on brandons, oops me. didnt realize how i had messed up till my mom was watching me make the crust. played with the pups, decorated for xmas, it was so nice out. slept in and relaxed, till i realized i had a lesson plan that was due monday at 11pm-bummer. although every time i walked upstairs past my room and looked in i expected to see snowy laying there curled up like always, like the past 15 years, but she wasnt, and that was really hard. came back today and got a lot of work done on my lesson plan 3, which is good. ugh that class. talked to a few ppl online, and did a little decorating for xmas, but i wont be able to do most till later this week, when work is done. ashley came over for a bit and we chilled and talked. after she left i worked more on my lesson plan. james bond marathon was on today, only caught about the last half of thunderball tho, but whatever yay 4 young goodlooking sean connery. well november has overall been a pretty big bummer hopefully things will turn around in december, not jus for me for julie too, shes had a rough month too it seems. i brought my four leaf clover to help me out, along with turning my horse shoe to collect luck instead of spill it out. 'all boys are stupid and all girls are crazy' Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Mad World-Gary Jules

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November 20th, 2006

01:45 am - by protecting my heart truly, I got lost in the sound yeah, i mean why not rub it in my face and make me miserable? good times for you, at least life is happy and all sunshine for you, dont concern urself with the feelings of others, or me. just remeber who was there for you during the drama, who you said was amazing, and held you when you cried. now i'm drowning, gasping for air. i didnt mean to fall in, you pushed me. you're impossible to erase. i wish i could hate you, i wish you would change your mind-realize the amount of pain you caused, but i dont like looking weak, so i fake a smile. i wonder if u cared at all, ever. i didnt realize how much i let you in until you left. you didnt even give me a fair chance, i have so much more to give, i would give anything for you to not haunt my thoughts. i hate my stubborn streak of hope, and how i cant just let go. but i miss you, more than i thought i would. you're impossible to replace. at least i got all my work done for the week so i can celebrate ashleys 21st bday with her this week....maybe i can drink away the pain? ugh everything else could be going wrong, but seeing you, being around you, made things better Current Mood: sad Current Music: Mr. Blue

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